Helplessness, and dealing with it

Hmm, dun you ever feel helpless at work. well, i do. all the 5 yrs i've been studying medicine, i jes feel kinda tired and helpless when i see sths happen to my pt. nutting i've read has prepared me for this world, not that i wanted it in the first place tho. at most times, i kinda feel helpless actually, with not knowing wat to do as most of the real world trouble starts to haunt me now. sometimes i wonder, am i really fit to be a doc....even if i'm more of an unwilling one?
hmm...

Moving on, the second part.....

ok, more on my working life...
sometimes i feel that my life is very much a drama.....things happen that you can only see in the movies
relatives crying, patients crying, children crying......except that doctors in real life are more hard ass...no doctors crying over dead patients, just that..."haiz....there goes my night's sleep". more n more i feel that i'm turning into one of those hard ass docs, dunno if its a good thing or not. more n more i feel that the patients are more of my job and that i'm building a strong wall between what i feel and what i should empathise with. not that i dun wanna care bout them, jes that it gets really trying and tiring to remember aaaall the patients whent the only thing you wany is a good rest.

i also feel that i am slowly falling for one of my colleagues at work, but the more i deny it, the more i feel isolated. i dun wanna be mean to him, but i made a promise to myself to avoid all relationships, and i plan to keep it. ignorance is bliss, but there is only so mnuch one can ignore. i noe that he'll never see me as anything more than an annoying person, so let's just leave it as it is...

i'm presenting again for tomolo's GWR, damn sian bout it. i have no idea how i'm gonna pull it off tomolo, but presenting 20+ cases in one hr will be dead-ish. hope i'll still be smilig after that..

well commencement is over, boriiing ......

had fun wif family in JB....but prob wont be seeing them again in the coming year....

till i feel like posting next..

ta ta

Moved on, and not really liking it....

long time since i blogged...need a new hobby. anyways, months have passed since i started workng. currently in the bone department. nice place, small hosp, but not really having the time of my life. prob is: not having very nice colleagues. first job in my life, and now realising that colleagues play a big role in making working fun and bearable. coming to grips with the cold harsh reality of life is really hard, but learning to accept it only makes one stronger, i hope.

'nuff bout that. need to focus on sth more constructive......hmm.....MOVING TO A NEW HOUSE (actually HDB Flat....small HDB flat). finally, i get to be back with more familiar and liveable housemates. prev hsemate was a full-fledged slob....can cry...in a way, i feel kinda excited that i dun hafta be alone anymore. the past few mths have been a struggle for me as i am finally separated from my CG as well as study mates from the MBBS days. No one to talk to when i go home, or not even seeing another human being when i go back is really trying. omos broke down a few times, but managed to pull through. there were days when i omos wanted to blue letter my self to PSY but looking back now, it made me realised how fragile my peace of mind was and that i can actually not eat solid food for 3 days and still survive... amazing how neglectful one can be when very focused on work. taking a step back when i have time to breath made me what i really liked in life, and that after my bond is up, i'll prob be doing sth else in life.unfortunately , sometimes i still feel strangled by the amount of work i have to finish and still have to come to terms with the fact that i never intended to do medicine. guess, i will just 'tahan" for the next few years.

had medical dinnerm 2 days back, everyone looked so much more mature...hehe. still, the dirrrty-minded peeps are still dirrrrty.

hmm... commencement is up in another few days, wanted to skip and go back to sleep but parents wanted to go, darn....

thats all for now....before someone else dies on me....ciao